Social Sleeper

This week I was out and about quite a bit with Samara.  I sometimes worry that it will deter her from her naps but in actual fact it encourages her naps and nice long ones.  At Movies for Mommies she slept through the movie (almost 2 hours), Friday Raju and I went for a walk and lunch at the Distillery, she slept for 3 hours, yesterday Di and I went to L'il Bean n' Green and she slept for 2.5-3 hours as well.  That seems to be the trick.  At home she likes to sleep in 30 minute sessions.  Maybe it's not loud enough for her and I need to make more noise :)
Regardless, I'm just happy that she has been so good and I've been able to enjoy my outings without her fussing too much.  I hope that I'm not jinxing myself by saying that.
Here are some recent pictures of her.

3 months

Yesterday was Samara's 3 month birthday.  I can't believe how quickly time goes and also how fast we've gotten used to having her around.  We celebrated this milestone by getting her ears pierced.  I was a bit nervous so I took my Mom with me too.  Samara weathered through it.  She did cry, similar to how she did with her first needles but nothing a little comforting couldn't fix.  She was still fussy but that was because she was tired and fell asleep quite fast afterwards.  I was worried that her ears would be sore, but it doesn't seem like that is the case as I keep accidentally hitting them and when I clean them she doesn't get irritated.  She is just very squirmy so it's hard to get her to hold her head still.
We now have a loose sort of routine, where she has a nap at 10:00a.m.ish and 3:00p.m.ish and another somewhere in between.  Bedtime seems to be between 7:00/7:30p.m. with her waking a for a couple of feeds and then she fully wakes at 7:00/7:30a.m.  Last night though, she slept straight from 7:00p.m. - 3:00a.m.  If I had known she was going to sleep that long, I would have gone to bed at 7:00p.m myself.  I was worried after the 3:00a.m. feeding because her eyes were wide open when I put her in her crib but within 10 minutes she had fallen back to sleep.
Today she has been a lot of fun too.  I had put her on her play mat and was on the computer so not paying too much attention.  When I looked over she had turned 180 degrees and it looked like she was headed around the other side to complete the circle.  I think I need to set up a video camera to watch her when I'm not so I don't miss anything.  While I am happy she is starting to move I'm also not looking forward to her fully moving, as I know I'll spend even more time chasing after her.  I better get the baby octagon (aka baby jail) from Camilla soon.

Parenting...

is hard work!!!!  Don't get me wrong, I am loving every second of being off with Samara but I really did not know how much work it was going to be.  I am amazed at the end of every day when I feel like I have hardly done anything but , feed, change, play and get Samara to sleep.  It did not occur to me that such a little being would take up so much time.  My schedule (and I use that term loosely) revolves around her.  Just when I think I see a pattern it changes.  Right now my only constant is my Fit Mom class on Thursday mornings.
A few weeks ago we moved her to her crib in her room.  The first night I hardly got any sleep while she slept for 5 hours straight.  I was constantly getting up to look at the monitor.  Fortunately I have settled down with that but she is up every 3 - 4 hours for a feed.  I have also managed to start putting her in her crib for naps as well so she is not constantly in my arms.  I have to admit that I went through some withdrawal symptoms.  After being constantly attached for so long it was hard to 'let go'.  I feel like my little baby is growing up and she's only 3 months!!!!!
I don't know how you other Mom's out there did it.  I feel very unproductive and as if I have no routine.  Sometimes I even find it hard to leave the house.  Although I am getting restless and trying to get out every couple of days, even if it's for a short walk.
I'm not quite sure what to do.  I guess I still take it day by day and enjoy my time with Samara.  Any tips or things you found work well for you as a Mom?
And sorry I don't have any recent pictures of Samara to post.  Our laptop is not working and I'm not quite sure how to download pictures on our PC.  Once I figure it out, I'll post some more pics of her.

A move to the Bassinet

I always said I would not allow my kids to sleep in bed with us.  I was determined that it would not happen.  However, as I had the c-section I had Samara in bed with me as it was easier to get up and breastfeed her.  After my 6 week check-up I thought I should try to move her.  I spent 2 hours one night trying to get her to fall asleep.  I finally gave up as I was too tired and brought her into bed with me.  However in the morning after a 7:00a.m. feed, I decided to try putting her in the bassinet.  She slept there for almost 3 hours!!!!  It was me who felt strange without her in the bed.
My new 'routine' is get her asleep at night and let her start in bed.  (I think this is more for my benefit so that I can cuddle her)  After her next feed (around midnight or 1:00a.m.) put her in the bassinet.  This seems to be working for now.  Unfortunately I'm not having much luck with her sleeping there during the day or with her falling asleep on her own.  Baby steps though and one thing at a time right?

The miracle of the pacifier

For some reason I hadn't thought of giving Samara the pacifier.  I didn't think she needed it, but it seemed to me that I was feeding her all the time with no break.  Camilla suggested that maybe she wasn't hungry but just needed the sucking action to sooth her.  So I tried to give it to her one day but she wouldn't take it.  On Christmas Eve while we were at Fariena's Camilla took Samara and worked with her for 45 minutes to take the pacifier and fall asleep.  It worked!!!  On the way home it worked again in the car and since then I have used it to space feedings to 3 hours apart and she is actually sleeping more and taking naps throughout the day.
Today has been particularly good.  Although I'm still in my PJ's I have been able to sort through and put away Christmas gifts and do some tidying around the house.  I even managed to put Samara in the bassinet for a bit and use the monitor while around the house.  She was only in it for 30 min. at the most but that's a start.
Thank you Camilla for helping with the pacifier it has been a miracle worker!!!!!

Breastfeeding Blues

If you couldn't tell from my birth story post I've been having a bit of trouble breast feeding.  It is so hard when you feel like you can't feed your child adequately enough and she was losing a lot of weight.  She was born at 6 lbs 15 oz, went down to 6 lbs 4 oz, left the hospital at 6 lbs 7 oz and then when we went to the doctor on Monday she was down again to 6 lbs 1 oz.  I wasn't sure if my technique was wrong or if I didn't have enough milk.  The hospital was pushing breast feeding but I really didn't think it was enough.  I did want to give it a good try but if I couldn't provide enough for baby Samara to eat, I was quite happy to switch to formula.  Some days she would sit for an hour on my breast but still didn't seem to be doing enough and then she started to go through long bouts of sleeping (4-5 hours).  While I didn't mind, we didn't think this was right and coupled with no poopy diaper we were a little concerned.  At the doctor we found out that she does look fine and everything else is ok except for her eating habits.  This was leading her to be dehydrated, which was leading her to not pee or pooh enough.  So we were to supplement her with more formula but continue with trying to breast feed.  To be honest I was pretty fed up and frustrated at this point but was willing to try a bit more.  I decided to pump a bit as well, in hopes that it would encourage more milk to be produced or at least to bring my milk in.
Wednesday we had another appointment at the Breast Feeding clinic.  They weighed Samara again and she had gone up 100 g since Monday (at the doctor).  Not a lot but definitely some improvement.  The other thing that made me feel better was that my technique is good.  The only problem is I may not be producing enough milk for Samara to gain weight.  Funnily enough at this appointment Samara was the perfect angel.  She latched on to both breasts with absolutely no problem.  It's like she turned a corner and suddenly decided she knew how to breast feed, or maybe my milk is now more plentiful.  Who knows?  I'm just happy that we are getting better at it.  I have to stay, my nipples are not as sore either.  My left boob (her preferred one) was dry and bleeding but now seems to have healed itself.  We are still supplementing Samara, but I'm happy to say that we have figured out the breast feeding thing.  The only problem now, is she wants to eat every hour!!!!!!

Introducing our Miracle

Welcome to our little miracle, Samara Autumn Kaur Mudhar.  I know that you have already received the news through face book or e-mail but I like to make it official on the blog.  She was born at 4:53a.m. on November 8th, 2011 weighing in at 6 lbs 15 oz (I know we originally said 1 oz, but I think we read the scale wrong).
Everyone has their story about labour so I'm going to share my time line and experience with you.
I started experiencing contractions on Sunday (November 6th - my due date).  I woke up fine and Raju went to his friend Spencer's place to watch football.  I decided to go to my cousins' to celebrate Eid.  I showered got in the car and headed up the DVP around 1:30p.m.  At this time I noticed that I was experiencing cramps on a more regular frequency than in the past two weeks.  They weren't horrible but just for fun, and since I was stuck in traffic I thought I would time them.  They were about 15 - 20 min. apart and really not causing me any discomfort so I didn't think too much about it.  They continued while I as at my cousins' but I didn't mention it to anyone because there didn't seem to be a need to.
Monday morning I woke up at 2:00a.m. feeling crampy again.  Even more so and the frequency seemed to have increased.  Finally at 2:30a.m. I was not able to sleep so I slipped out of bed, came downstairs and started writing down the times.  They ranged from 5 - 8 min. apart.  Again, I was able to speak and breathe through them so I didn't wake Raju as I didn't want to worry him.  He got up at 5:00a.m. to go to the bathroom and noticed I was up.  At this point I mentioned to him, that I was feeling contractions.  Somewhere along the way I went to the bathroom and noticed blood so wasn't quite sure what to do.  I called the ob triage at the hospital and the on-call doctor suggested I come in just to get assessed as to where I was.  There was no harm.  So at 7:30/8:00a.m. we headed in.  They hooked me up to a monitor for 1/2 hour and then a resident came to check to see if I was dilated.  Of course I had not started dilating at all so they sent me home.
We headed back to the hospital for 2:15p.m. as I had a scheduled doctor's appointment.  By this time the contractions were getting more painful but longer apart (8 min).  Normally I sit in the waiting room but had to pace the floor.  The doctor (not my regular one), made a plan for me to have a couple of ultrasounds and come back in the following week to talk about induction just in case we did not have the baby.  Back at home, I was beginning to feel more uncomfortable.  The pain was increasing but now the time between contractions was now at 12 min apart.  I really wasn't sure what I wanted to eat but settled on a cheeseburger happy meal from McDonald's so Raju went out to get it.  After this I stayed in the bedroom on the exercise ball while Raju played video games.  I tried to take a warm bath as the pain was getting worse.  I started timing contractions again around 5:30p.m. and noticed that they were again getting closer together.  However, I was sure that I could not have really progressed so was determined to hold out.  Finally at 7:30p.m. it was too much.  I could hardly catch my breath before another contraction would start.  I asked Raju to take me back to the hospital.  I figured even if I hadn't progressed they could give me something for the pain.  Just before we left I felt like I was going to be sick and sure enough I threw up just before walking out the door.
It took us 20 min. to get from home to the hospital and in that time I had another 3 contractions plus another on the way up to triage.  I was not looking forward to triage as I felt that I would have to wait for them to hook me up for another 1/2 hour and then have a doctor look at me.  I went in and explained our day.  I could tell no one thought I would have progressed but they said if I really wanted they could hook me up to morphine to help with the pain, but would have to monitored for 4 hours as it could affect the baby.  I said "That's ok with me".  They got me settled in a room and not too long after a doctor came and automatically checked.  She asked "How long do you think you are?"  I did not want to be optimistic so I said, probably just 1 cm, if even.  As it turned out I was 4-5 cm along.  At this point there was no question about the epidural.  They got me settled into a labour and delivery room.  While we were waiting for the nurse I threw up again and felt the contractions getting worse.  Poor Raju.  He was ready to use some of the massage techniques but I don't like to be touched when I feel nauseous.  A nurse finally came in to let us know the anesthesiologist would be by soon, she was just doing someone else's epidural.  In the meantime I needed to be hooked up and have blood work done.  It was now about 9:30p.m.ish.  The contractions were really on top of one another at this point.  The nurse could feel the strength of them just by touching my belly and wondered how I could get through them so quietly.  I didn't really feel like I had a choice.  I had to wait for the epidural so what would screaming do?  Finally close to 10:00ish the anaesthesiologist showed up.  She went through what would happen and the risks associated with it.  I listened to what she had to say, but really just wanted to get the show on the road.  I got into position and she started.  I continued to have contractions and breathe my way through them as well as try to be still.  At one point she says to me"  Why are you breathing like that?  You're going to make yourself dizzy?"  I thought that was rude but didn't say anything because I just needed the drugs.  Everything got fed in, but I was still feeling the contractions and they said it would take 15-20 min. for the drugs to kick in.  Great, that meant another 4 contractions (at least) to make it through.  Finally I started to feel some relief it was great, and then gradually my legs felt heavy.  They showed me the top up button and I have to admit I used it quite generously at the beginning.  They suggested that I try to sleep and they would be back in a couple of hours to check on my progression.  This was now about 11:45p.m.  Raju took this time to call our parents to let them know we had been admitted but not for anyone to come to the hospital yet because we didn't know how long it would take.  I had also begun to shake a lot which made it difficult to relax.  I think we both managed to get a few zzzz's but it was hard when the nurse was in every 30 min. to check my stats.

Coming into the world

They checked back around 2:00a.m.ish and I hadn't progressed as much as they would have hoped so started me on oxytocin to get my contractions closer together.  They came back to check close to 4:00a.m. and again not much progress.  The other complication they were looking at was her heart rate was going down with every contraction.  It would rebound but not to a point where they were happy.  It was at this point we decided a c-section was the way to go as the doctor did not feel the baby would last through another 4-5 hours of labour.  And honestly in my head I was trying to figure out where I was going to have the energy to push.  In about 5 min. they came back to wheel me into the OR.  While they were getting me settled Raju was sent to the recovery room to wait.  I was doing fine as they started hooking me up to all kinds of other things but suddenly I started to panic.  I felt like I was going to throw up and then I felt like I couldn't breathe.  I was gasping for air.  The nurses were fantastic at trying to calm me down and decided to give me the oxygen mask as a comfort measure.  I could vaguely hear everyone talking and they were about to start when someone remembered they had to get Raju.  He came in and rubbed my head for me, but was unaware that I was not feeling great at all.  A few minutes later I heard the baby cry but still couldn't comprehend what was happening.  All I knew was that Raju was no longer near me.  Again I felt the need to throw up and did.  The nurses quickly cleaned me up.   In my head I kept thinking "I don't want to be here.  I want to go home.  Hurry up and close me up, I need to get out of here."  I sort of got gyped in that feeling of "I just had a baby!".  Raju finally brought her over and put her by my head so I could see her.  It was nice but still I just wanted to get out of the OR.  After what seemed like an eternity I was wheeled into the recovery room and the drugs were dialled down.  Slowly I started to return to normal and at about 6:00a.m. I realized that I had not yet held my daughter so asked if I could do so.  As I held her we tried breast feeding but she wasn't interested (I should have know this would be a sign).  As we waited in recovery we started to spread the news.  Raju called the family and I sent out the first e-mail to let people know she had been born.

Finally holding baby

We were hoping for a private room, but there wasn't one available right away so we were taken to a semi-private room at about 8:45a.m.  It was fine.  Raju's parents, Camilla and Suzi visited us while we were there.  Fortunately a private room opened up and we were taken there at around 6:00p.m.ish.  This was very nice.  It was like our own cocoon away from the world.  My parents and Caroline also visited this evening.  I continued to try with the breast feeding but it was challenging.
The next day (Wednesday), Raju woke up early and headed home to run some errands.  I went to a breast feeding clinic at 10:30a.m.  Some information I already knew but she also showed us some different holds to try on the baby.  I tried some but she was still fighting me and didn't really want to latch properly all the time.  It was as if she wasn't getting enough food right away.
Raju's parents came back to visit around lunch and Raju returned from his errands.  Raju and I took this opportunity to get her temporary health card.  It was at this time we decided on her name as we had to fill in the application form.  I think it's something we are both happy with.
Throughout the rest of the day I continued to wrestle with the breast feeding.  Sometimes it was good (especially when the nurse helped) and really her stomach was so tiny she didn't need much.
This evening Suzi and Di came to visit.  It was nice.  Di helped me out with some of the breast feeding and it seemed like we were making a bit of progress.  I thought things were going fine so I sent Raju home for the evening so he could get a good night's rest in a proper bed.  This night, Samara was up every hour.  It was a loooong evening.  When Raju came the next day I was so happy to have some company and we were hopefully going home.  Unfortunately that did not turn out to be the case.  Samara had lost too much weight (10.5%) and was a bit jaundiced so we had to stay another day.  We were both pretty bummed out.  The combination between this and exhaustion made it a pretty bad day.  I felt so bad for our little munchkin as she had to be put in this light blanket and have her eyes covered with eye patches.  Her sad cry was too much to handle.  We supplemented her with a lot of formula this day, while I continued to struggle with breast feeding.  It was such a fight each time to get her to latch.  She just didn't want to.  Raju stayed with me this evening and was amazing.  He was up with her every couple of hours to change her diaper and feed her, while I managed to get a couple of hours of sleep.

Friday morning came around and I was feeling a bit better.  We got the good news that we could go home.  We did have to go to the breast feeding clinic though for an appointment with a lactation specialist.  I didn't really want to but am very glad we did.  She was really nice and helpful.  We also supplemented with formula here through a tube attached to my breast.  It worked for a bit, but then Samara decided to fall asleep.  Back at the room we completed some last minute paper work and by 11:00a.m. we were on our way home.  I had to wear my slippers because my feet have swollen so much that I couldn't fit them into my running shoes.

Family picture

The care at Sunnybrook was amazing but there really is nothing like coming home.  It was fantastic to walk in the door, but strange as well.  When I left it was just Raju and myself and now it's Raju, myself and Samara.  I wouldn't change it for the world!